First off all I wasn’t aware that anyone had seen me
around the corner in the back lying on the floor
so I’d like to make it clear I hadn’t knocked myself unconscious
but with the layout with the sink and bin in the way
I had to ram my head into the metal first aid box on the wall
at such an awkward angle that it really hurt my back.
I admit the illegal blade on the metal table beckoned to me
on the way back there but somehow seemed too obvious
and of course the reason I headed back there in the first place
was to wash my hands off to fix the order myself
because people’s endless demands are always completely
impossible to be communicated to others and
there’s never time to draw a fucking diagram and
because everything revolves around me
because everything depends upon me
and I really really really really really really wish it would stop.

Back in the front and found out that someone had actually made
an effort to get it done, a clever way to mock me,
as the weight continued storming down on me because machines
could never be designed for people’s endless demands
and I tried to ignore it when once again my hands
started going numb on me for no apparent reason
but when the walls started shaking with hysterical laughter,
well this was something new, so it was a bit disturbing
but still I knew I had to pull it all together somehow
because everything revolves around me
because everything depends upon me
still the nagging feelings of pointlessness and worthlessness will not shut up,

but now I see the perfect solution I somehow missed,
around in the back, up in the narrow square space
with the short ladder leading to the opening to the roof
where there wouldn't be quite enough room to cut a body down
and so it doesn’t matter that predictably they now talk
like I can’t hear them when they say that everything is
all my fault, and yes of course they’re right, it must be
because everything revolves around me
because everything depends upon me
and I really really really really really really wish it would stop.