“If I wanted miniatures I would have said so” he snaps
and sends me back to the woods as the others go inside
but these were the biggest leaves that I found
searching with my head in the clouds and my eyes on the ground
oh I can only wonder where the others got theirs
and I really don’t see what difference it could make
my tears turn to hysteria as the clouds turn to rain
I hope I die of pneumonia, never to be seen again

I want to go home

somehow I return, this time she’s standing there screaming
“what the hell took you so long, now go to the pool with the others”
oh why did I even bother to come back at all?
should have just thrown myself down the cliff by the side of the path
you don’t have to tell me what a pile of refuse I am
because you’ve already told me that a hundred times
but I can’t understand why you just can’t make up your minds
besides these were the biggest leaves I could find

I want to go home
or never go anywhere ever again

looking back at it all I’m surprised that today I’m still alive
looking back at it all I’m surprised that to this day I have survived
I honestly thought / kept telling myself that I would be dead by now

the bloodsucking voices rip me back to life again
I’m always living in the fear of what’s going to go wrong next
half the time I can’t even see how I’m at fault
but I’ve long lost the nerve for the crime of standing up for myself
and it’s all gotten worse since this dreaded camping trip
I didn’t even want to come here in the first place
why must I always feel my soul being trampled like a leaf
ruthlessly stomped on for falling on to the path

then it dawns on me I’ve only been here for one day
I have no idea how I can survive the rest of the week
maybe I should just put myself out of my misery now
mark me endangered, please send me to my sanctuary

I want to go home
I want to go home
for those few precious moments I have with myself
where I can control my own world
I can already taste the flexible reality
of the places that mean so much to me
so far away...